it don't feel like christmas

So it's Christmas now. Christmas night. I've just done two services and there's a third one in the morning. I've six and a half hours left to sleep but I'm not going to bed yet. This night is my own Christmas just for me. The Word came flesh and made his dwelling among us. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. I'm tired and it's raining outside and Bethlehem is not quiet anymore. Not still.

It don't feel like Christmas.

Not in a bad way, either. Well, kind of. It's just different. And I would be sad wherever. I'm not sure yet if I inherently like or inherently dislike most people but the result is the same. I get disappointed a lot. And protective. Even when it's Christmas, peace on earth, good will toward men.

But it's like I said. It don't really feel like it, anyway.

The star was a bit naff. I can make my peace with that. We sung well and the atmosphere in the church was lovely even though the wind was dragging the world apart outside. I have mulled wine and Christmas sweeties from home for right now, and I cried a bit in the morning but it was just to acknowledge this present state of things. I'm not really homesick. Just wondering what it's like there now.

I have too much chocolate for one person to eat. My candle stash is impressive but not nearly impressive enough. I am going to a very different Christmas Day after I wake up. I guess I'll see what it's like. I don't know what to expect and it's nice enough but it doesn't really feel real.

You get me? Just don't feel like Christmas. But not in a bad way.